Marriage is True Love, and True Love is “Till Death Us Do Part”

Marriage is True Love, and True Love is “Till Death Us Do Part”

He meant it when he said, “I do”, so he did.

Marriage is True Love, and True Love is “Till Death Us Do Part”

There are lots of songs about falling in love. Plenty too about falling out of love. I wanted to write one about staying in love. The phrase “falling in love” makes love sound like the result of an accident. Love of the kind I wanted to write about is something you grow into; it’s not something you can fall into!

Joy and Sorrow

One of the greatest joys and most solemn privileges of Christian ministry is preparing couples for the adventure of marriage. It’s an awesome task, as God’s great gift of marriage is entrusted to His people as an illustration of the love of the Lord Jesus Christ for His people, the church (Ephesians 5:25-33).

Equally, one of pastoral work’s deepest sorrows is working with couples on the brink of separation. In my experience, by the time I hear about marriage difficulties, it is often too late, as one or both of the couple have hardened their hearts.

Lifelong Vow

Back when I was a schoolteacher, the subject of divorce came up in a staffroom conversation. A colleague, by no means sympathetic to my Christian faith, slammed his hand on the table and said animatedly, “When I married my wife, I signed a contract, and I’m a man of my word!”

Spending time with engaged couples thinking through what God’s design for marriage looks like according to the Bible, I always refer to Jesus’ teaching on the subject of taking oaths, when He says, “Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’…” (Matthew 5:37).

A marriage commitment in the sight of God and a congregation is a promise, and if my unbelieving friend placed such importance on keeping his word, how much more should Christians be known as people who keep theirs?

Inspirations

I wrote “When He Said I Do” following a conversation with a friend who had cared for his wife through an extended battle with a terminal illness. He had meant it when he said, “I do.” His commitment to “till-death-parts-us” love reminded me of other friends who had kept their vows through prolonged testing.

The song is a tribute to such men, and I hope an encouragement to others by way of example. The evidence of all those men is that keeping their promises with the determination that God supplies has been rewarded with the deep contentment and peace that comes from living within His will.

There is an element of autobiography in the song as well. My wife Jenny and I shared the care of our daughter Sal, who battled a rare degenerative neuro-muscular condition for over fifteen years, requiring numerous protracted hospitalisations.

One day, having just observed the awkwardness of the divorced parents of a fellow patient exchanging places by his bedside, she said to me, “Thanks for staying with Mum.” In that instant, it hit me, with greater clarity than ever before, that the welfare of my children was bound up in the promises Jenny and I had made to each other.

James, the brother of Jesus, echoed His teaching when he wrote, “Let your ‘yes’ be yes and your ‘no’ be no.” (James 5:12) Christians need to mean it when they say, “I do,” but as Psalm 19 says, in keeping God’s rules, “there is great reward.”

Marriage is beautiful when it’s with the RIGHT person GOD has blessed you with.

Society will pressure you. Your family will ask when you’re settling down. Your friends will be posting engagement announcements. You’ll scroll through social media watching everyone else live the life you want, and you’ll feel like you’re running out of time.

But let me tell you something that could save your entire life: a wrong marriage is infinitely worse than no marriage at all.

Marriage isn’t beautiful because of the Pinterest-perfect wedding, the diamond ring, or the relationship goals posts. It’s beautiful when you’re building with someone whose spirit aligns with yours. When you’re both growing in the same direction. When love feels like peace, not pressure.

It’s beautiful when you wake up next to your best friend. When disagreements don’t destroy you because you both choose understanding over ego. When hard times make you stronger instead of resentful. When you can be your complete, unfiltered self and still be completely cherished.

That kind of marriage… the one God blesses… is worth every second of waiting. It’s worth saying no to every counterfeit that presents itself before it.

Don’t marry potential. Don’t marry pressure. Don’t marry loneliness disguised as love. Wait for the person God specifically prepared for you. The one whose soul recognizes yours. The one who makes you better, not bitter.

Marriage is beautiful. But only when it’s blessed. Don’t rush into forever with the wrong person just because you’re tired of waiting for the right one.