You Don’t ‘Deserve’ to Be Happy – And That Secular Therapy Ad Is Lying to You”

You Don’t ‘Deserve’ to Be Happy – And That Secular Therapy Ad Is Lying to You”

Be very careful where you go looking for help and counsel.

There’s a television ad I’ve been seeing pretty often lately — and honestly, it’s getting under my skin. It’s for a counselling network called BetterHelp that offers people a smorgasbord of therapists to tackle whatever problems they’ve got. It’s a global outfit that promises to “match you to one of 32,000 licensed therapists based upon your location, preferences, and therapist availability.”

Now look — let me be clear upfront: we all probably need help in various ways. We’ve all got issues. Getting some counsel or guidance can be a genuinely good thing. So let me explain what actually bothers me about this particular service. There are several things worth mentioning.

Here’s the kicker from their 30-second TV spot: “Therapy isn’t about becoming a different person. It’s about coming home to the person that you’ve always been.”

Hold that thought.

Then there’s what hits you right in the face when you land on their website: “You deserve to be happy.”

Why Secular Therapy Misses the Whole Point

So what’s the problem with those statements? I’m writing from a biblical Christian perspective, and I’ve got a few major issues.

The big one is this: the fundamental thing behind our problems is spiritual in nature. We’re made in God’s image. We’re alienated from God through sin and selfishness. And the only pathway to real healing and wholeness is getting right with God through Christ.

Before you jump down my throat, let me say I know nothing about those 32,000 counsellors or therapists. Some might be genuinely helpful. Some might even be Christian. Most probably aren’t. And sure — even Christians can get some limited help from non-Christian therapists. And yes, some Christian therapists can dish out unhelpful counsel too.

But my point still stands.

If our problems are ultimately spiritual — involving a broken relationship with our Creator — then therapy that either ignores or downplays those spiritual realities is going to be severely limited at best, and actively harmful at worst.

Any counsel that minimises the fact that we’re whole persons — and that we must come to terms with our relationship with God — will only ever be of partial value. Sure, if someone has a bad relationship with their father, full of bitterness and unforgiveness, a non-Christian counsellor might try to deal with the bitterness and forgiveness issues. Fine.

But the thinking behind those two statements I quoted makes real healing much harder to achieve.

The “Deserve Happiness” Lie

The idea that we have some sort of right to happiness — that we deserve it and it should be our end goal in life — is absolutely fraught with danger.

Here’s the raw truth: some people are happy when they hurt or abuse others. Some men are perfectly happy when they rape women. Some people get their cheap thrills from exerting hyper-controlling abuse over their children. Some get great pleasure from cheating on their spouses or stealing from their employers.

If being “happy” is the be-all and end-all, then literally anything goes — including decidedly harmful, immoral, and illegal behaviour.

The Christian knows something different: happiness is NOT our chief goal in life. Holiness is. And holiness comes from being in right relationship with God. Mere happiness is not what we exist for.

C.S. Lewis absolutely crushed this point: “I haven’t always been a Christian. I didn’t go to religion to make me happy. I always knew a bottle of Port would do that. If you want a religion to make you feel really comfortable, I certainly don’t recommend Christianity.”

And in Mere Christianity, he dropped this hammer:

“What Satan put into the heads of our remote ancestors was the idea that they could ‘be like gods’ — could set up on their own as if they had created themselves — be their own masters — invent some sort of happiness for themselves outside God, apart from God. And out of that hopeless attempt has come nearly all that we call human history — money, poverty, ambition, war, prostitution, classes, empires, slavery — the long terrible story of man trying to find something other than God which will make him happy.

The reason why it can never succeed is this. God made us: invented us as a man invents an engine. A car is made to run on petrol, and it would not run properly on anything else. Now God designed the human machine to run on Himself. He Himself is the fuel our spirits were designed to burn, or the food our spirits were designed to feed on. There is no other.”

Read that again.

“Becoming Who You Already Are” Is Nonsense

The other line from the ad that drives me crazy: NOT becoming a different person, but becoming who you already are — whatever that’s supposed to mean.

Here’s the problem: it’s exactly who we are that IS the problem.

We’re selfish sinners. By our fallen nature, we put self first and others last. What we need is not more of who we are by natural birth — what we need is what we can become by spiritual birth.

Jesus said we must be born again. Just becoming a slightly better sinner isn’t the answer. We need to become new persons in Christ — with new values, new goals, new aspirations, new desires, and new divine abilities to live the lives we were actually meant to live.

We’re not just supposed to say “no” to the old man. We’re supposed to crucify him. The biblical counsel to crucify self and put on Christ is the only genuine pathway to becoming the person God always wanted us to be. It’s the only way to find substantial healing, growth, maturity, and wholeness.

Wise Counsel: A Balanced Warning

Let me repeat: non-Christians can and do give helpful counsel sometimes. No doubt about it. So I’m not saying believers should avoid all non-Christian therapists.

But two more things need saying.

First, not all Christian counsellors are actually helpful either. Just as all Christian preachers and pastors need the leading of the Holy Spirit and the guidance of God’s Word, so too do Christian counsellors. Sadly, many so-called Christian counsellors have simply swallowed secular and humanistic counselling principles whole, left out God’s Word and God’s Spirit, and just rehashed the world’s methods — which at best is a mixed bag.

Second, I personally know people who were active Christians and dedicated church workers who went to secular humanists for counselling — and as you might expect, they ended up abandoning their faith and walking away from their church. That’s the bitter fruit of relying exclusively on ungodly therapists.

The Bottom Line

If folks have needs and want to use services like that ad, go ahead. I won’t stand in your way. But Christians should think twice before heading down that path. Check things out carefully first.

If you’re a church member, you likely have access to a godly and wise pastor. Some larger churches even have their own counselling departments with dedicated staff to help members who need godly counsel.

We need caution and discernment here. Remember:

• Not all non-Christian therapists are a waste of time — some can offer limited help.

• Not all Christian counsellors are always helpful either.

• But at the end of the day: we are whole beings — intellectual, volitional, emotional, moral, social, and spiritual. Any therapy that leaves out that key component — and the God who is there — will of necessity be incomplete, if not harmful.