ODM Daily Inspirational Devotional Messages Bible Verse and Prayers ODM
Living Courageously: Why Playing It Safe Costs More Than You Think
Most of us would say we want a good life. Fewer of us stop to ask what it costs. Almost everything worth having, a marriage, a family, a calling, a deep friendship, a business, a step of faith, begins with a moment where we feel afraid and have to decide what to do about it.
This post is about that moment. It looks at why risk is unavoidable, what courage really is, what research says about the regrets people carry, what the Bible adds, and how to take small, practical steps toward living courageously, whatever stage of life you’re in.
Life Is Risky Whether We Like It or Not
Benjamin Franklin famously wrote that nothing is certain except death and taxes. Everything else, our finances, our health, our relationships, our work, can change without warning. The ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus is credited with the idea that the only constant is change.
Many of us respond by trying to cut risk to zero. We avoid the difficult conversation, turn down the opportunity, delay the decision, stay in the job, or keep the dream in a drawer. It feels safe. But avoiding risk is itself a choice, and it has consequences that are just harder to see.
What Courage Actually Is
Courage is often misunderstood as the absence of fear. It isn’t. Someone who feels no fear isn’t courageous. They just aren’t being tested.
Courage is acting rightly in spite of fear. Aristotle described it as a middle path between cowardice, which flees from everything, and recklessness, which charges at everything. C.S. Lewis made the point that courage isn’t just one virtue among many. It’s what every other virtue looks like at the moment it’s put under pressure. Honesty, loyalty, faithfulness and love all need courage the moment they become costly.
That’s a useful way to think about it. Courage isn’t a personality type. It’s a decision, made over and over, to do the right thing when it’s uncomfortable.
The Hidden Cost of Playing It Safe
One of the most-cited bodies of research on this comes from psychologists Thomas Gilovich and Victoria Husted Medvec at Cornell University. In the 1990s they studied what people regret most. Their findings suggested that in the short term, we tend to regret things we did, such as a bad decision or an embarrassing moment. Over the long term, regrets about things we didn’t do tend to loom larger. In one review of life regrets collected from 77 people, regrets about inaction outnumbered regrets about action by roughly two to one. In survey data from the long-running Terman study, whose respondents were mostly in their seventies, the ratio was more than four to one.
The researchers also offered an explanation. We tend to repair or make sense of things we’ve done. We apologise, learn from it, find a silver lining. A missed chance, though, just sits there, with no way to fix it.
It’s worth being honest about the limits here. This is one body of research, not settled law. A later replication attempt found that one of the original findings didn’t hold up in the same form, and a large field study found only a partial match. The more modest takeaway is that over the long term, people do seem to regret inaction more than recent action, though the pattern isn’t as dramatic as it first appeared. It’s a useful frame, not a rule.
What the Bible Says About Courage
Scripture speaks about courage constantly, and it usually links it to trust rather than to self-confidence.
- Joshua 1:9 commands Joshua to be strong and courageous, not afraid or discouraged, because God is with him wherever he goes. The command is paired with a promise.
- Deuteronomy 31:6 says much the same to the whole nation. Courage rests on the presence of God.
- Psalm 56:3 is honest about fear: when I’m afraid, I put my trust in you. The psalmist doesn’t pretend not to be afraid.
- 2 Timothy 1:7 says God hasn’t given us a spirit of fear but of power, love and self-discipline.
- Proverbs 28:1 says the righteous are as bold as a lion.
- Matthew 25:14–30, the parable of the talents, is perhaps the most direct warning about playing it safe. The servant who buried his talent out of fear is the one who receives the rebuke, not because he lost anything, but because he did nothing.
Notice what’s missing from this list. None of these passages says courage means being reckless. Jesus also tells us in Luke 14 to count the cost before building a tower, and Proverbs says plans fail for lack of counsel. Biblical courage is wise as well as brave.
Courage Looks Different at Every Stage
There’s no single picture of a courageous life. It depends on who you are and where you are.
The young person at a crossroads. Courage might mean praying and thinking hard about the direction of life, asking what to do with the years ahead, what kind of work to pursue, and whether a relationship is heading toward lifelong commitment.
The new parent. There’s real fear in becoming responsible for a child. Many parents recall leaving the hospital with a newborn wondering what on earth they were meant to do next. Courage here is the decision to show up anyway, night after night.
The mid-career professional. It may mean speaking up about something wrong at work, changing direction, starting something new, or refusing to compromise on integrity when it costs you.
The person in a hard season. For someone dealing with illness, grief, divorce or financial strain, courage might simply be getting up, asking for help and taking the next step.
The older man or woman. After retirement or once children have left home, the question becomes “What’s next?” Courage could mean mentoring a younger person, reaching out to others, or passing on hard-won wisdom rather than withdrawing quietly.
Fatherhood: Everyday Courage in the Home
Nathaniel Marsh’s original column uses fatherhood as its main example, and it’s a good one. Being a present, engaged father is one of the most common places where ordinary courage is needed, and where the stakes are high.
Australian research points in a consistent direction. Studies from the Australian Institute of Family Studies and elsewhere describe how fathers’ involvement contributes to children’s development and wellbeing. One Australian study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that the total amount of time fathers spent with children was linked to only small improvements in cognitive development, but time spent on educational activities was linked to moderate to large improvements. In other words, it isn’t just about being in the house. It’s about being engaged.
At the same time, research notes that fathers are often under-represented in parenting services, programs and even research. Many men feel unsure where to go for practical help, and many don’t ask. That gap is where a lot of quiet courage is needed: admitting you want to improve and then doing something about it.
Seven Practical Ways to Build Courage
Courage can be trained like a muscle. Here are some places to start:
- Name the fear precisely. “I’m afraid” is vague. “I’m afraid I’ll fail in front of people” or “I’m afraid I’ll lose the money” is something you can work with.
- Shrink the first step. You don’t have to jump. Make the phone call, send the email, book the appointment.
- Pray first, and keep praying. Scripture links courage with God’s presence. Ask for wisdom as well as boldness.
- Seek wise counsel. Talk to someone who has done what you’re considering. Fear shrinks when it’s shared.
- Count the cost honestly. Ask what you could lose, and also what you’ll lose by waiting.
- Find a peer group. It’s much easier to be brave alongside others who are doing the same thing.
- Act before you feel ready. Waiting for the fear to disappear is waiting for something that rarely happens.
Our Take
Here’s where we’d like to add some commentary.
1. Playing it safe is not actually safe.
A life spent avoiding every risk tends to pay a quiet price in missed growth, missed relationships and missed purpose. That doesn’t mean every risk is worth taking. It means we should stop pretending that doing nothing is free.
2. Courage and wisdom belong together.
The goal isn’t to become a thrill-seeker. A person who gambles the family’s savings or ignores sound advice isn’t brave, just careless. Real courage weighs the risks, takes counsel, and then acts.
3. Most courage is unglamorous.
We tend to picture courage as dramatic, a soldier on a battlefield or a whistleblower in the news. Most of it happens in kitchens, offices and living rooms: apologising first, keeping a promise that’s inconvenient, having the hard conversation, turning up when you’re tired. These small acts are where character is built.
4. Don’t go it alone.
The Bible rarely pictures faith as a solo effort. People tend to find courage in community, whether that’s a church small group, a mentor, a parenting course or a trusted friend. If you’re facing something frightening, ask who could walk beside you.
5. Courage isn’t just for men, and it isn’t just for dads.
The original column speaks mainly to fathers, and that’s a worthy audience. But the principle applies to mothers, singles, grandparents, students and business owners alike. Everyone has something they’re avoiding.
The Other Side of the Argument
It’s fair to add a few cautions, because “just be brave” can be unhelpful advice when it ignores real circumstances.
- Not everyone has the same margin for risk. Someone supporting a family on a tight budget faces very different stakes from someone with savings and flexibility. Courage for them might look like patience, saving, and taking a smaller step.
- Fear isn’t always a sign you should push through. Sometimes fear is information. It may be telling you the plan is unwise, and listening to it can be the courageous choice.
- Mental health matters. For someone struggling with anxiety, depression or trauma, “be courageous” can sound like a demand. Asking for professional help is itself a courageous act, and nothing to be ashamed of.
- The regret research isn’t a command. It describes how many people tend to feel, not what any individual should do. The more careful scholars say as much.
None of this undermines the main point. It just keeps it honest and kind.
A Practical Option for Dads
For readers who are fathers, grandfathers or about to become dads, the original column points to one practical resource. Nathaniel Marsh writes for Dads4Kids, an Australian organisation focused on supporting fathers, and mentions its Courageous Online Fathering Course. According to his column, it runs for nine weeks over Zoom, is built on peer-to-peer learning between fathers, and is open to young dads, single dads, dads of teenagers and grandfathers.
Details like start dates and registration deadlines change, so check the Dads4Kids website directly before making plans. We mention it simply as one example of the kind of structured support that can make courage easier.
Questions to Reflect On
- What’s one thing I’ve been putting off because I’m afraid?
- If I’m honest, what would I regret not having tried in ten years?
- Who could I ask for advice, prayer or accountability this week?
- What’s the smallest possible first step?
- Where do I need wisdom more than boldness right now?
A Closing Thought
Life will carry risk whatever we choose. The real choice is whether we face it with eyes open and a hand held out to God and to others, or let fear make our decisions for us. Courage doesn’t ask us to feel brave. It asks us to take the next faithful step.
Further Reading
For the column that inspired this post, read Nathaniel Marsh’s Living Courageously for a Better Life, republished by The Daily Declaration with thanks to Dads4Kids.
Suggested tags: living courageously, courage, fatherhood, faith, regret, personal growth, Dads4Kids, Christian living
Sources used for background (check before publishing):
- Gilovich, T. & Medvec, V.H., “The Temporal Pattern to the Experience of Regret,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (1994), and “The Experience of Regret: What, When, and Why,” Psychological Review (1995)
- Gilovich, Davidai and colleagues’ later field study on the action/inaction regret pattern (partial replication)
- Frontiers in Psychology, “Theoretical Predictors of Regret” (2016)
- Australian Institute of Family Studies, Family Matters No. 88 (2011), “Fathering in Australia among couple families with young children”
- ARC Life Course Centre, “A Matter of Time: Fathers and Child Cognitive Outcomes” (2018)
- Australian Institute of Family Studies, practice sheet on engaging fathers in child and family services (2010)
- Western Sydney University Centre for Male Health, resources on fatherhood and father-inclusive practice
